Pocket Monstrocities
by Doctor Rayman
Summary: Everything they didn't dare put in Poke'mon. Why does Cubone wear a skull on his head? What was HoHo reallyu doing up Tin Tower? Why do Herracrosses hide in trees anyway? Prepare for a version of GoldSilver and Crystal like no other
1. Gotta Hatch 'Em All 14

**Pocket Monstrosities**

**Episode one-Gotta Hatch 'em All**

**Part one- Aww New Birth**

The wind lashed against the window pains, the waves crashed against the cold stone barrier like a tiger trying to reach its prey. The lightning struck the sky, sending blasts of light here and there, crashing into the see causing foam to fly all over the place. Birds cried, desperately trying to escape the storm like a rabbit runs from a fox.

High in the very top of the island castle, Mygel Galvanche lay in chains, staring up his captors whom he had run from for so long. Now here he lay, sacrificing himself to them to save an innocent man.

Ferrdano, his dark, uncombed grey hair shining villainously in the lightning's cruel light, observered his prize. Slowly, sniggering, he drew his sword. Galvanche braised himself, knowing that this time there would be no trail, no chances, and no escape. This was the end. Unless he could act. He could not allow Ferrdano this pleasure; he could not allow this evil man to achieve a goal he had been pursuing for so many years. Galvanche looked, a knife lay on a table near his bed, easily within his reach. Galvanche decided, he would stab himself, it would be suicide, Ferrdano's sword would not touch him. Galvanche grasped the knife and held it above him.

"No!" Ferrdano yelled as he realised Galvanche's plan.

Galvanche murmured a prayer, and then lowered the knife. As it neared him, he realised…

(NOTE: That last bit had nothing to do with the rest of the story)

55, 000, 332, 999.62, 133, 667 universes away in a place called New Bark Town a kid called Oscar was looking after his baby brother Bob. He was currently on the floor, looking round angrily at a small box with "VOTE STEVEN FOR PRIME MINISTER OR EXPLAIN WHY TO HIS AGGRON" written in nice big convincing letters on the front.

Oscar sighed, up until now Steven had seemed a good choice, now Oscar didn't like him. I mean, can you trust someone who makes silly little boxes that people fall over as Prime minister? No you can not!

Still, maybe it was Baby Bob's fault all along, if Baby Bob hadn't done what babies do best Oscar wouldn't have been running with the bulgy nappy and he wouldn't have fallen over the box and the bulging nappy would not be on his head and no longer bulging as the substance that had been making it bulge was now running down Oscar's head. As if this weren't bad enough, Baby Bob had not liked the large bang that occurred when Oscar fell over the box that was his fault generally anyway and was now crying. Oscar decided from that moment onwards that he was never having kids.

To allow yet more let downs for Oscar, his book of 211 THINGS A BRIGHT POKE'MON TRAINER CAN DO was now covered in the brown, smelly stuff. Oscar stood up, sighed, threw the nappy away, and grabbed the TV remote before flicking it on to see if Button Moon was on yet. That should cheer Baby Bob up. Button Moon was not on, The Fimbles where, and Baby Bob was scared of the Fimbles because they where big and hairy.

When this resulted in baby Bob's increased wailing, Oscar hurriedly turned over to find a Scyther marmailising a Pidgey.

Baby Bob's wailing increased. Oscar flicked over to see two people doing what they shouldn't be in front of a twelve-month-old child. He flicked the telly off, and, deciding this world had no shame, sank back in the chair. Except it wasn't the chair. The chair had been there up until this morning when Oscar's mum had moved it and replaced it with something else, in all this lack of TV worth showing a screaming 0.12 year old Oscar had forgotten and sank back into the piece of furniture that had replaced it. That piece of furniture was, Baby Bob's cot.

As much as Baby Bob loved his big 10-year-old brother, he was not at all chuffed when his big 10-year-old brother sank back into him. In fact he was so not chuffed that he increased his screaming to boiling point and vomited all over his big 10 year old brother.

"How nice" thought his big ten-year-old brother in a tone that Baby Bob would later learn to call sarcasm.

The house was now like Noel Edmands's after Mr. Blobby had set the alarms off, Baby Bob's wailing could easily replace the missing siren on that police officer woman (Oscar couldn't remember her name right now)'s car. Oscar's immediate reaction was to run, and far away at that, but his mum, who had vanished to the shopping moll which she may as well call her home, had told him not to do that under any circumstances.

"You go out with your 'orrible friends and leave your defenceless little brother all alone," she'd said in a voice which was easily win her the part of the woman on the opening credits to the Fresh Prince Of Bell Air "and I'll cook your lungs like spaghetti and serve them for tea"

She probably meant it to; she'd once made him sleep in the oven after she'd had a few, and it was that which settled it with Oscar that if Rayman himself was signing autographs in New Bark Town square one night only he COULD NOT let his 'defenceless' ("huh" thought Oscar who still wrecked of vomit) little brother out of sight (or out of the house).

At that point the phone rang. Oscar grabbed it.

"Oscar," said a voice "its your jolly old neighbour Professor Elm are you having a good day?"

Oscar sighed "Hello Professor"

"Hello Oscar"

"Hello Professor"

"Hello Oscar"

"Hi"

Long silence, except for Baby Bob's screaming, who Oscar could not leave the house because of.

"Is there a reason why you call?" Oscar asked.

"No," Elm replied, "I say, has the law finally come for your mother?"

"No its Baby Bob" Oscar replied.

"They've come for Baby Bob?"

"No, its Baby Bob screaming"

"Maybe he's innocent then. Listen, I do have a reason for calling I've just remembered, could you leave your house and pop by the lab?"

Oscar looked at Baby Bob, then back to the phone.

"Yeh alright"


	2. Gotta Hatch 'Em All 24

**Pocket Monstrosities**

**Episode one-Gotta Hatch 'em All**

**Part two- Autumn Elm**

Oscar left the house, then turned round and made his way back towards it, stopping before he hit the door which would have been very painful and made his way left round the back, where he grabbed some POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS his mum had had tied around her leg when she got in from 'a night out with the girls' a few weeks ago, and wrapped it around the house so that no one would ask about Baby Bob's screaming, and ran next door to Professor Elm's lab.

Inside, the first thing he heard was what sounded like the Professor's voice yell "DUCK!" and Oscar took the liberty of asking where the duck was, and before he knew it he was thrown off his feet by a large yellow burst of light that hit him.

To that he commented "Ow"

"There it is!" said a girl's voice.

Oscar looked up, ahead of him he saw Elm, holding a large bazooka-resembling thing that no doubt the yellow light had erupted from. Beside him stood a girl about his age (Oscar's not Elm's) with long blue hair highlighted in some places. It was this girl, assumingly, who had said, "There it is!" and Oscar asked, "Where's what?" as he wasn't sure what was where and where was what. Being hit with a yellow light from a bazooka-resembling thing has that effect on the best, but Oscar suspected he'd be equally in the dark about what was where and who was what even if he hadn't just been hit by the yellow light from the bazooka-resembling thing.

In answer to Oscar's question about who was what and what was where the girl replied "The duck" and pointed straight at Oscar.

Oscar stood up, nearly falling over his webbed toes. This was odd, not only did Oscar rarely fall over his webbed toes, but his toes where rarely webbed anyway. He felt his face to make sure it was still there and couldn't help noticing that his beak was all wrong. As a matter of fact, his beak was all wrong simply by being there as it wasn't normally. Things got worse for Oscar as not only was he put out to find his tail stuck under a shelf, he was put out to find his tail there at all.

"Professor" he said formally.

"Yes?" replied Elm.

"Why am I a Phyduck?"

"I don't know," replied Elm "maybe you should have ducked when I told you to"

"Maybe" said Oscar.

"Don't panic," said the girl "it'll wear off after a while"

"This is Amanda by the way," Elm said, referring to the girl (not the chocolate bar he was eating, the wrapper of which he threw in the bin. Green isn't he? Quite right) "my lab assistant"

"You mean ass-istant" Oscar corrected.

"What?" Elm asked.

"Oh come on," Oscar said in despair "when are you going to admit to your paedophile life anyway? I think the whole town knows"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Elm said cautiously.

"Oh come on," Oscar yelled angrily (he was still a Phyduck, which didn't help) "we all know what you do at the aquarium with those Magikarps"

"What are you on about?" Elm replied.

"He means all that stuff you do on Fridays" Amanda chipped in.

"Amanda!" said Elm sternly "you know I've been treating that sick Magikarp these last Fridays"

"No Professor, I mean when the staff leave. Remember, the other week I came in to give you your coat that you left in the car and I saw you…"

"Shut up Amanda!"

"No, no Professor you misunderstand me," Amanda pleaded "you've still got those scars on your chest from when that one evolved"

"Silence Amanda!" Elm commanded.

"Excuse me!" said Oscar angrily "I'm still a Phyduck! Is there anything you can do about that?"

"I told you," said Amanda "it'll wear off a while"

"How long?" Oscar asked.

"Few months"

"WHAT!"

"She means a few minutes" Elm said, at that point the Phyduck skin cracked and Oscar was a human again.

"Well hel-lo!" said Amanda, getting her first sight of Oscar as human "who's got nice biceps then?"

"WHAT!" Oscar yelled again, finding nothing other to say on the contrary.

"Sounds like someone's in love Amanda" Elm laughed.

Oscar swore, though not too loudly.

"Who are you then?" Amanda asked, getting dangerously close to Oscar.

"Er, Oscar" Oscar replied.

"Me too" Amanda said happily "well," she then added when she realised what she'd said "obviously not I mean you're me and I'm you and…"

"Don't you mean, I'm me and you're you?" Oscar corrected.

"Something like that," said Amanda "and can I just say," she looked at the Professor and pointed at Oscar "he's got sexy leggies, sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies… why are you covered in vomit?"

"Long story" Oscar asked.

"We're in no hurry," Elm informed.

"You don't wanna know," said Oscar, "involves my brother"

"I don't wanna know" Elm agreed.

"Sexy leggies, sexy leggies" Amanda chanted.

"Please stop" Oscar told her flatly.

"Yeh Amanda that really is getting annoying now" said Elm.

"You're just jealous Professor," Amanda said "but your leggies are sexy too. Not as sexy as Oscar's though"

"Wow," said Elm (Who had never been told his leggies where less sexier than someone younger's, nor had he ever been told his leggies where sexy at all, he personally would prefer to have fins) "she really likes you Oscar. Gonna ask her out?"

"I've only just met her!" Oscar replied.

"Wow," said Elm again "love at first sight. How romantic. Go on kiss!"

Amanda puckered up, but was somewhat disappointed when Oscar turned to Elm "Professor do you have a job for me?"

"What?" Elm asked "oh of course yeh. You see, I have this friend called Mr. Poke'mon…"

"Don't think I'm being nosy just because I'm being nosy," said Oscar "but is Poke'mon his real name?"

Elm laughed "Of course not. He changed his name when he became a great Poke'mon Professor"

"From Mr. Dragon Ball Z" Amanda added.

"Okay…" Oscar felt like Obi Wan Kanobi in the waiting room of Faulty Towers "so go on"

"Oh right yeh," Elm went on "anyway, Mr. Poke'mon says he's found something very interesting"

Five minutes ago this would have intrigued Oscar, but now he knew that something 'interesting' to anyone with the slightest connection to Professor Elm or Amanda was likely to be very unclean and probably dangerous, so Oscar asked the first thing that came to his head "Is it likely to turn me into a Poke'mon?"

Elm shook his head.

"I'll go and get it for you"

"How did you know I was gonna ask you to do that?"

"Wild guess"

"So clever" Amanda said dreamily.

"Here Oscar," Elm picked up a Poke' ball and threw it to Oscar, Oscar caught it "there'll be Poke'mon in the grass. Take that ball and use the Poke'mon inside it to defend yourself"

"Is it a Magikarp?" Oscar asked.

"Yes it is" Elm said proudly.

"Have you got any other Poke'mon?" Oscar asked, as a rather sick picture of what this Magikarp may have experienced formed in his head.

"Yeesh fussy isn't he?" Elm sighed.

"Ahh," Amanda sighed happily "all the best men want their lives properly not just balls thrown at them. They want the right balls, proper balls, balls with no fish attached"

"Here," Elm threw Oscar a second Poke' ball "Chickorita. Have a look eh?"

Oscar pressed the big white button on the ball and Chickorita popped out.

"Oh you handle your balls so fine Oscar" Amanda clapped.

Oscar's new Chickorita then continued to throw leaves at Amanda.

"Arrgh stop her!" Amanda yelled.

"So where does Mr. Poke'mon live?" Oscar asked.

"Up past Cherrygrove city" replied Elm.

"Thanks," said Oscar "c'mon Chick"

Hurriedly, he returned Chickorita into her ball and hurried out of the lab.

"My hero" Amanda sighed from under the leaves.

Outside the lab, Oscar got his Chickorita out again.

"I like you" he said.

"Chick, Chick, Chick" said Chickorita.

It was at that point that Oscar spotted another kid about his age, which had been watching the entire goings on through the window of Elm's lab. In fact, he was still staring through the window.

"Who's that 'orrible little pervert?" Oscar asked.

Chickorita shrugged.

"Well," Oscar said, "bet he isn't looking at Amanda"

Chickorita sighed at this point, for she was in fact a lesbian and had fancied Amanda (throwing leaves is considered romantic to a Chickorita) but that will never be important for our story so we'll avoid it.

Oscar and Chickorita made their way over to the perv, where Chickorita had expected a hefty fistfight between Oscar and this long, red haired funny boy.

However, Oscar simply said "Hi" and the long red haired funny boy simply said "F off" and kicked Oscar over the hedge onto some tarmac.

Worried, Chickorita ran to her master's side and made sensitive "Chick, Chick, Chick"s until he looked up.

"I'm fine," he said "I'm fine"

Chickorita was hoping her brave young master would return to bust the ass of that evil red haired perving youth but instead he said, "He seems like a nice guy, doubt he could cause any harm. C'mon Chick, Cherrygrove city"

Chickorita was disappointed, but she trotted after her master anyhow. He seemed a nice sort of chap.

Oscar really has a way with women, lucky s…


	3. Gotta Hatch 'Em All 34

**Pocket Monstrosities**

**Episode one-Gotta Hatch 'em All**

**Part three- Fallen Oak**

Oscar slumped across the counter of Cherrygrove City's Poke'mon centre, Chickorita's Poke' ball in his hand. The nurse, who stood with her back to him, seemed preoccupied by something else and didn't notice him straight away.

Oscar coughed.

Nurse made no response.

Oscar coughed louder.

Nurse made no response.

Oscar coughed louder.

Third time lucky! The nurse spun round to reveal the fag in her mouth smoking away.

"Wha? Whaddaya want?" asked the rather fat, bulky, don't with me type nurse.

"Er," Oscar wished he hadn't asked "can you, err, heal my Chickorita"

"Why should I?" the nurse yelled "Ya shadn't 'ave let 'er faint shad ya?"

"Oh come on," Oscar replied "I only became a trainer today!"

"Oh really is 'at so?" asked the nurse "well boo hoo hoo if ya can't keep ya Poke'mon awake for 50 seconds ya may as well just pack it up and go and join the Digimon"

"Hey!" Oscar was angry "we where training for two hours!"

"Well if ya gonna be cruel and work ya Poke'mon for 'ours on end," the nurse yelled "ya may as well just pack it up and go and join the Monster Rangers rather than come cryin' to me! And when ya do? Aw look, I gotta heal ya stupid Chickorita and I can't even ask for any kinda money because supposedly its 'against the will of the Poke'mon lords' or whatever those stupid myths are called!"

"Err," Oscar said awkwardly "I'll give you a bit of tip…"

"I don't want ya money or ya pity," the nurse spat, snatching Chickorita's Poke' ball from Oscar's hand "Gimme a few minutes, gnarrrh (swear) in' world!"

Glad that was over, Oscar sat down in a chair and picked up a book lying on a nearby table called _Songs in the key of Poke'mon. _Intrigued he opened it and read a few:

_Chickorita, tell me the truth_

_I'm a shoulder you can cry on_

_your best friend  
I'm the one you must rely on  
you were always sure of yourself  
now I see you've broken a feather  
I hope we can  
patch it up together_

_Once again there is pain  
I bring flames - I bring cold_

I'm the Blood Red Salamance coming home On this unholy night I will make you my own 

_Master of Shuppets, I'm pulling your strings   
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams_

"Oi you ya silly kid!"

Oscar looked up, the fag nurse was yelling at him.

"'Ave 'ealed ya stupid Chickorita"

"Oh, thanks," said Oscar taking the Poke' ball.

The nurse then began to sniff, and eventually looked down at Oscar "ewe, why are ya covered in vomit?"

Oscar looked down; he still hadn't had a wash.

"Long story, can I use a toilet?"

"Oh for Rayquaza'a sake," the nurse swore "first I 'ave to heal ya stupid Poke'mon now I 'ave to let ya use my flamin' toilet. Go upstairs and if a see ya again I'll scream I tell ya"

Oscar ducked under something she wasn't throwing so thankfully it didn't hit him, and made his way to the toilets.

Once there he rubbed his sweater down a bit he turned round and allowed Chickorita out of her ball, then abruptly let her back in, realising that it was in fact the men's loos. He couldn't say it occurred to Poke'mon for certain but had decided not to risk anything. People where fussy.

He let Chickorita out again once they'd left the centre, and the two of them carried on towards Mr. Poke'mon's house. Chickorita had been a bit rusty with the fighting at first, she wasn't a Magikarp so what Elm had been doing with her was hard to say, but in light of the possibilities Oscar had avoided touching her and was planning to give her a bath as soon as possible. He would have done so in the centre if it weren't for fear that the fat nurse (who he knew he was gonna have nightmares about) would suddenly appear (he doubted entering men's toilets was beyond her) "'ey ya 'orrible little runt why ya bathing ya silly little Chickorita eh? Ye where bottle fed I can tell!"

However, now Chickorita was getting really confident and was attacking just about anything. Humans and other Poke'mon giving out most effects, Poke'mon positive human's negative, and Oscar was impressed that Chickorita was still alive when they reached Mr. Poke'mon's house.

The house stood in the middle of a field full of Tomatoes, and each tomato had its own name. There where stacks of them, Bob, Jim, Fred, Bertha, Mary, Sally, Sid, Harry, Bob II, Jim II, Fred II, Bertha II Mary II, Sally II, Sid II, Harry II, Bob III, Jim III and so on. The house was clearly Mr. Poke'mon's as it had POKE'MON written all over it and a big P on the door. The door itself was wide open, so Oscar and Chickorita walked straight in.

There they saw a man in a suit and hat, clearly Mr. Poke'mon, standing one side of a chemistry set. The other side of the chemistry set stood an old man with a big grey quiff that would have Tintin running for cover. Oscar recognised him from TV, Professor Oak, famous Poke'mon researcher and generally Elm's idol. Whether Oak did anything he shouldn't with Magikarp it was hard to say. Oscar knew Oak came from Kanto, but knew little about Kanto. All he knew was that they where arses at footy and where always beating Johto's team. Oscar didn't get why; Johto easily had the better football team, they had a Hitmonlee in goal for heck's sake. And Arcainines in Midfield. Kanto had Machamps in midfield, how did that work? Oscar just didn't understand how Kanto kept winning. Yeesh.

His thoughts ended there as at that moment Professor Oak said, "Don't touch that red thing" and Mr. Poke'mon said "What red thing?" and pressed a red thing on the chemistry set and the house blew up.

Oscar had only just stopped smelling of vomit, now he smelt of expired house. This was not his day.

"Sorry about that," Mr. Poke'mon yelled to him, from what used to be the living room "are you Elm's new job boy?"

Oscar opened his mouth to say, "Yes" but instead out came "The Phaaaaaaaaantom of the Op-er-a is here, inside your mind, Don't cry for me Ar-gen-tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina, Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men, Staaaaarlight expreeeeeeeess, here's your distress, are you reeeeeeeeeal? Yes or no? Tonight, Tonight, won't be just any niiiiiiiiight"

"Are you alright?" Mr. Poke'mon asked.

"Yeh" said Oscar, awakening from his midsummer night's dream, although it was actually autumn.

"What?" Poke'mon asked "you're ok or you're Elm's rent boy, I mean, work boy"

"Both" Oscar sighed, Chickorita, who had perched on his shoulder, made Chickorita noises.

"Great," said Poke'mon "here, I want you to give this to Elm"

Oscar took what Poke'mon handed him, then jumped "A garden gnome?"

"Oops," Poke'mon laughed, "that's my wife's birthday present. NO DON'T PRESS THAT BUTTON!!!"

Too late, Chickorita had pressed the button and the gnome began to sing.

"Zippadee do dah, Zippadee eh. My, my, my what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine, headin' my way. Zippadee do dah, Zippadee eh!"

"She likes gnomes then?" Oscar said, shiftily.

Poke'mon nodded "Elm doesn't though. Unless they're shaped like Magikarp. Never been sure why he likes those fish, they're useless"

"Oh I'm sure Elm could find some use for them" said Oscar cynically.

"Of course," said Oak "every Poke'mon has its own uses that fits it in in the Great Circle of life and respectable people like Professor Elm know that"

"Respectable?" Oscar spluttered.

"You should too Howard" Oak went on.

"Sorry Professor" Poke'mon sighed.

"Hold on," Oscar said "so your first name's Howard? Can I call you that?"

"Well," said Poke'mon "my full name is Howard Charlie Martian Michael Philips

George Peter Tyson Tye Goku Melvin Stuart Poke'mon if you want to call me that"

"I'll call you sir" Oscar decided.

"Great," Poke'mon said, "anyway, here's what I want Professor Elm to examine"

He handed Oscar an egg. That wasn't what Oscar had been expecting really. Round yes, but round in an egg way? Not really.

It also stank, which made Chickorita faint and fall off Oscar's shoulder. In a panic, Oscar swung round and caught Chickorita, but had let go of the egg. He'd actually thrown it and now it flew 8 metres off the ground.

Oak and Poke'mon panicked.

However, Chickorita suddenly sent two vines shooting from the leaf on her head, which flew at the egg and caught it just in the nick of time, it was 5 metres above the ground. Still, the heroicness was there,

Poke'mon had fainted, but Oak was clapping.

"Oscar, Chickorita, that was one of the best examples of team work I've ever seen. Together, you both saved that Poke'mon's life"

Oscar looked at the egg.

"It's an egg"

"There's a Poke'mon inside it"

"Really?"

"According to Poke'mon"

The two looked at the fainted researcher.

"He's usually brilliant" Oak justified unconvincingly.

Oscar nodded anyway. Chickorita signed her 5th autograph.

"Listen," Oak got a small encyclopaedia-like device out of his pocket "this is a Poke'dex," he explained, "it automatically records data on Poke'mon you've seen or caught"

"So its kinda like Wikepidia?" Oscar suggested "they've got great entries on Poke'mon"

Oak chewed "I suppose. Anyway, I travel all over the world looking for excuses to give Poke'dexes to ten-year-olds and in light of your successful teamwork with your Chickorita…"

"You'd like me to have one?" Oscar exclaimed,

"I didn't imagine you'd want one," Oak said "they are very annoying, keys are too small and they crash a lot. I was going to offer you a sticker saying 'I worked together with Poke'mon' but if you want this you can have it"

He gave Oscar the Poke'dex.

"Er, thanks" said Oscar, hurriedly opening the deck and bashing in dyuhjliya.

"Wow the keys really are small!" he exclaimed, deleting that and bashing in Chickorita.

A picture of Chickorita appeared and a bored Cockney accent said:

_Hi there mate, Chickorita like basking in the midday sun like a hot dog or an Englishman. Or is that daft dog? I forget. Anyway, that leaf on his/her head, I hate describing Poke'mon as it it's just not respectful Poke'mon are so much better than humans. But anyway… Ahh I'd love to be a Pidgeot. Better than recording for a Poke'dex anyway. Professor Oak you owe me royalties for this._ _Anyway where was I? Oh yes. That leaf on her/his head, see I'm not sexist either, that leaf on his/her head yeah, it uses that to seek out warm places so it 'aint as sick as a parrot._

"See what I mean," Oak said.

"Yeah" Oscar replied, "Did he ever get his royalties?"

"Nope" Oak laughed.

Oscar and Chickorita, armed with the egg and the garden gnome, which they'd taken anyway (Oscar reckoned it'd look nice on Baby Bob's bedside table), and of course the Poke'dex, made their way back to New Bark Town. Nothing unusual happened what so ever. Nothing, apart from Oscar meeting the greatest rival he'd ever have. The two where just about to re-enter Cherrygrove when Oscar's phone rang, and the words ELM MOBILE stretched across it.

"Oh no" was Oscar's first thought towards this.

Nevertheless he put the phone to his ear and heard "Oscar, disaster, home now, I confused, oh 'Eck, oh no, oh please, oh gaddy, googly, gangly, gongaly, oogalie, boogalie, ooooo…. Ogallliieeboogalliieeeharremanchereanderonourmous" the phone clicked off.

Chickorita looked at Oscar, puzzled.

Oscar shrugged "Probably one of the Magikarps is pregnant or something"

Oscar was used to his neighbour's whining and thought no more of this while he healed Chickorita ("a knew ya'd come crawlin' back"-nurse), bought ten burgers, one for him nine for fat food-grabbing Chickorita, and began to make his way out of the town. That was when he ran into the red haired youth. Yup, the perving red haired youth he'd seen in New Bark Town.

"Sorry" Oscar said.

"It's ok," said the red head-Oscar wished.

The red head's reaction was more like "What the (swear) are you doing you (swear) little (swear) I'm gonna (swear) kick you ass!"

Oscar however, pretended that he'd said, "It's ok,"

"Yes well that's great then isn't it," Oscar said "hey you've got a poke' ball! You're a trainer? Oh cool me too have you met Chickorita she's a bit grubby at the moment, burgers you know, but she's really great!"

The red head laughed "You got a Poke'mon from Elm's lab?"

Oscar nodded.

"What a waste! Grubby little wimp like you!"

"Oi!" Oscar was offended "I had one burger!"

"You don't get it do you!" Red head exclaimed "maybe its time you saw my Poke'mon!"

He grabbed the Poke' ball and threw it to the floor. A Totodile popped out.

_Totadile mate now that's rough. Incredibly rough me 'ol china. So rough he/she bites at anything that moves so keep your fly done up when one's around heehee. And mate, don't turn your back on it, ever, or you'll find moles attractive!_

"It's a Toad right?" Oscar guessed, having not paid any attention to the Poke'dex.

"Kill them Totodile!" yelled Red Head.

The Totodile ran at Oscar and Chickorita.

"Chickorita!" Oscar said wearily "help"

Chickorita put up two fingers to show she was busy, and continued eating.

"Chickorita!" yelled Oscar.

Chickorita nodded and began to eat a bit quicker.

"Hickoreata" yelled Oscar, which is what Chickorita sounds like when Totodile is nibbling at your nipples.

It was when Totodile began on Oscar's trousers that Chickorita got the idea and dived at Totodile, flying right between Oscar's legs and causing Oscar pain where man wants to feel pain.

The two Poke'mon began to roll around on the floor, Totodile scratching and Chickorita throwing her vines around.

"That's it Totodile kill him!" Red Head yelled, "don't take (swear) from it"

"She's female!" Oscar yelled across the squabbling Pokes.

"Shut up!" Red Head yelled.

Chickorita now had her vines around Totodile's neck and the Poke'mon was choking and banging on the floor.

"Chickorita no!" Oscar yelled "you're gonna kill him!"

Chickorita obliged by removing the vines from around Totodile's neck.

"Now cut her up into little pieces!" Red Head yelled to Totodile.

Chickorita kicked Totodile in the balls.

The Red Head swore and put Totodile back in his ball (Poke' ball).

"Not bad Chickorita!" Oscar laughed.

"Oh (swear) off stop rubbing it in!" Red Head yelled, "I'm off"

"Where?" Oscar asked.

"To Kenya!"

"Really?"

"To become the world's greatest Poke'mon trainer!" Red Head yelled.

"What's your name?"

"Go away!"

"What's your name?"

"Hiro! Now twat off!"

"Bye Hiro!" Oscar waved as Hiro stormed off, not in the best of moods.

Oscar then turned to Chickorita "You've earned some burgers Chick!" he laughed.


	4. Gotta Hatch 'Em All 44

**Pocket Monstrosities**

**Episode one-Gotta Hatch 'em All**

**Part four- Doris the Chickorita**

When Oscar spotted the police cars near his house his immediate fear was that the law had finally caught on to his mum pinching all those Snubbels from New Bark Town zoo. Well, actually, it was probably the Snorlax she nicked two days ago that would be the death of her; Oscar had said that was being to daring.

It was then that he realised the police where in fact in Professor Elm's lab, and he figured that dying Growliths pink using bleach must be illegal now. Not that it ever wasn't.

When he entered the lab it appeared that they hadn't come for Elm after all, they'd come from Amanda. Two policemen where standing near her, and she had her arms in the air yelling "Alright it's a fair cop!"

"Move girl," the lead policewoman, whose name Oscar still couldn't recall, "we're not here for you, we're hear for the Professor"

It was then that Oscar realised what Amanda was doing, she was distracting the coppers, and Elm was climbing out of the window.

"Do you reckon we go?" he whispered to Chickorita.

Chickorita however had begun to film this, so Oscar took that as a no. She looked so cute with her little director's cap on anyway.

"No, no, no you don't understand," Amanda said "the professor's innocent, I'm the Regional Squirtle. Look," she impersonated a Squirtle.

The policewoman jumped "She's the Regional Squirtle. We've been looking for that crime lord for years. Get her"

Amanda was handcuffed.

"No wait!" she pleaded "I'm just covering for the professor. He's the Regional Squirtle, and he's climbing out of the window"

"oggrrf" Elm fell out of the window.

Whilst Amanda ran to Oscar and Chickorita to tell them about free towels down at the New Bark Town shopping centre for only 5 credits, the police ran to the window.

"Now, now Professor we know what's going on with the Magikarps but since we can't prove it we're only gonna ask you questions about the robbery"

Elm looked up "Robbery?"

"Yes, the Totodile that was taken"

"How do you know about that?"

"Your Aide called us"

"Oh," Elm climbed back through the window "ok"

"Now," said the woman "can you describe the thief?"

"Young," said Elm "humanish. Long red hair, male"

Oscar recognised that description, and jumped up, sending Chickorita flying off his shoulder.

"Male with long red hair?" he exclaimed.

"No," said Elm "the mail doesn't come until Thursday"

"No, no the thief!" Oscar went on "met him in Cherrygrove. Fought him. His name's Hiro"

"Hiro eh?" said the policewoman "is he the Regional Squirtle you say?"

"No he stole the Totodile" Oscar explained.

"Oh ok," said the police "are you the Regional Squirtle then?"

"No," said Oscar "the Regional Squirtle isn't here"

"Oh ok," said the police again "Hiro eh? Well, we'll catch this brute, don't worry Professor"

"I won't" Elm grinned.

"Yeh 'cos Totodile isn't a Magikarp" Oscar whispered to Amanda.

The police turned to leave "Hey," Oscar said to the leader "excuse me ma'am, what's your name?"

"Jenny" the officer replied.

"That's right" it finally clicked.

Outside, Jenny got in her patrol car, where her secondary officer Benny was waiting.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Dunno," said Jenny "so what where you doing in the woman's changing room back at the station anyway?"

"Looking for the boss's wallet" Benny replied.

"Why would it be in the woman's changing room?" Jenny asked.

Benny shrugged "Could be anywhere"

"Pervert" Jenny sighed.

"That's a point that actually," Benny said, "do you think that old Elite Four woman, what's her name…"

"Agatha?" Jenny suggested, "The one Professor Oak wouldn't dance with at that party Christmas 1942 it's said?"

"Yeh her," said Benny "do you think she's a lesbian?"

"What?" said Jenny "oh yeh, Agatha's a lezza alright"

"Yeh thought so," said Benny "what we doing now?"

Jenny thought "Forgotten. Let's go look for the Regional Squirtle"

"Ok" said Benny.

"An egg," said an unimpressed Elm "Poke'mon get's all excited over an egg?"

"Well I don't know," said an impressed Amanda "that egg would make a nice omelette"

"Actually," said a hysterical Oscar "I think there's a Poke'mon in there"

"Don't be silly," said a denying Elm "Poke'mon don't hatch from eggs"

"Chick, chick, chick" said an argumentative Chickorita.

"Well where do they come from?" asked a fed up Oscar.

"Not sure really" said a confused Elm.

"Eggs maybe," said a suggestive Amanda.

"You may be right," said an excited Elm "there may be a Poke'mon in this egg"

"Well done," said a sarcastic Oscar "oh look, I met Oak at Poke'mon's house and he gave me a Poke'dex"

"WHAAAT?" Elm jumped up "Oscar? Is that true? That's incredible!" He is superb at finding excuses to give Poke'dexes to trainers. The only one I've ever come up with is that the kid can tap his head to the 'Chucklevision' theme tune"

"Yeh," Oscar said, freaked out "so, err, I guess I've gotta travel then haven't I? See the world? Catch Poke'mon?"

"So heroic" Amanda fainted.

Elm nodded "Know what? You should take the Gym challenge"

"Does it involve Magikarps?"

"Not necessarily"

"I'll do it"

"Basically," Elm explained "you travel to eight gyms, beat their leaders, get badge, get eight badges, go to Indigo Plateau in Kanto, beat Elite Four, become greatest Poke'mon trainer in the world"

Amanda woke up.

"So heroic"

She fainted again.

"Ok," Oscar nodded "I'll do it"

Amanda woke up "Alone?" she asked.

"Nah," Oscar laughed "Poke'mon for company"

Saying that was the greatest mistake he'd ever make.

"I'll come too" Amanda volunteered.

"Noooooooooooooooooo" yelled Oscar but no one heard.

"Oh won't that be romantic!" Elm said happily "two young lovers on the road to championship"

"Er, Elm," said Oscar "we're not going out"

"Out where?"

"Out with each other"

"What!" Elm exclaimed, "You split up? No! When you two first met I'd never have thought such a thing would happen, you where so happy together, in such love. All night you where up f-"

"Let's go," said Oscar hastily.

Before he left town, Oscar popped home to tell his mum, but all he found was Formula One on telly, Baby Bob hanging from a light, and his mum still not back from the shopping mall.

So, he got out a piece of paper and scribbled down

_Gone to become greatest Poke'mon trainer that ever lived_

_Will have phone on_

Oscar 

So, Amanda, Oscar and Chickorita made their way through Cherrygrove city and onward to Violet city, which Oscar knew from experience and several cookie wrappers contained the closest gym.

Amanda talked the whole way "Oh this is so exciting, we're gonna become stars, world famous, the fans are gonna love us, oh yeh, Oscar and Amanda I mean what a team, what a team we will be"

After a while though she quietened down a bit.

"Ok, so I'm sorry I talk a lot, I'm just really, really excited. Here," she nodded at Chickorita who was sitting on Oscar's shoulder and drew out biscuit:

Fedigree-The best you can do for your Chickorita 

"Want one… err… erm," she looked at Oscar "what's her name?"

Oscar thought, "Err, not sure really. I've always called her Chickorita"

"Aww that's boring," said Amanda "look"

She drew a Poke'mon, from which a Cyndaquil jumped out.

_Cyndaquil mate he's/she's cool him/her. See that fire that spouts from his/her back, oops that male first three times in a row, oh dear I'm gonna be sick as a warthog. Anyway, that fire that spouts from her/his, hah hah redemption, back burns hottest when she/he's angry. The flame intimidates foes. Oh yeh, burn baby burn!!!!_

"Meet Boris the Cyndaquil," Amanda laughed "now, you're Chickorita should be… hmm… err… ahh… Doris!"

"Doris?" Oscar exclaimed.

"Yeh," Amanda said "Doris Day and what not"

"I can't call my Chickorita Doris!" Oscar exclaimed.

"Why not?" Amanda asked.

"Chickorita," said Oscar "do you want to be called Doris?"

Chickorita shook her head.

Unfortunately for Oscar and Chickorita, the name Doris kinda stuck.

**Next Episode- **Amanda and Oscar find a new chum in Poke'mon card player Mark, and agree to help him win the Poke'mon Card championships that just happen to be on. Unfortunately, the championship is interrupted by news of a dangerous criminal- and the police team trying to catch him.

**Poke'mon is copy write of Nintendo.**

**All characters are either new or pinched from the games and/or cartoon series.**

**Songs from Poke'mon centre where spoofs of the following:**

**Chiquita- ABBA.**

**Master of Puppets- Metallica.**

**Blood Red Sandman- Lordi.**

**All have various copy writes and are used unofficially.**

**So there you go, first full episode. Review and tell me what you like and dislike about it, episode two will begin when I have at least two reviews so I know people are actually reading it lol.**


End file.
